Sexual Addictions

Like an alcoholic unable to stop drinking, sexual addicts are unable to stop their self-destructive sexual behavior.

Family breakups, financial disaster, loss of jobs, and risk to life are the painful themes of their stories.

Sex addicts come from all walks of life - they may be ministers, physicians, homemakers, factory workers, salespersons, secretaries, clerks, accountants, therapists, dentists, politicians, or executives, to name just a few examples.

Most were abused as children -- sexually, physically, and/or emotionally.

The majority grew up in families in which addiction already flourished, including alcoholism, compulsive eating, and compulsive gambling.

Most grapple with other addictions as well, but they find sex addiction the most difficult to stop.

Much hope nevertheless exists for these addicts and their families.

Sex addicts have shown an ability to transform a life of self-destruction into a life of self-care, a life in chaos and despair into one of confidence and peace."

Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one's work environment.

Sexual addiction has been called sexual dependency and sexual compulsivity.

By any name, it is a compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict's life.

Sexual addicts make sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work.

Sex becomes the organizing principle of addicts' lives.

Sexually compulsive people are willing to sacrifice what they value most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior, but no single behavior pattern defines sexual addiction.

These behaviors, when they have taken control of addicts' lives and become unmanageable, include: compulsive masturbation, compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships, pornography, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, child molesting, incest, rape, and violence.

Sexual addiction was first brought to the forefront in Dr. Patrick Carnes' 1983 book, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (CompCare Publishers).

Since then, thousands of people have come forward seeking help, and more and more professionals are being trained to identify and treat sexual addiction.

The National Council on Sexual Addiction (NCSA) (http://www.ncsac.org) was created in 1987 to serve as an independent clearing house for information on sexual addiction and treatment options.

One of NCSA's missions is to decrease the stigma surrounding sexual addiction problems and treatment.

Sexual addiction can be understood by comparing it to other types of addictions.

Sex -- like food or drugs in other addictions -- provides the "high" and addicts become dependent on this sexual high to feel normal.

They substitute unhealthy relationships for healthy ones.

They opt for temporary pleasure rather than the deeper qualities of "normal" intimate relationships.

Sexual addiction is thought to follow the same progressive nature of other addictions.

Many sexually compulsive people struggle to control their behaviors, and experience despair over their constant failure to do so.

As their self-esteem lowers, they need to escape even further into their addictive behaviors.

Frequently, a sense of powerlessness pervades the lives of addicts.

Avoiding reality and disregarding personal safety and health are typical symptoms of sexual addiction, and they put sexual addicts at grave risk for contracting one of the many disabling STDS, including HIV.

Fear of being infected with the HIV virus and developing AIDS is not enough to stop an addict's intent on being anonymously sexual, picking up prostitutes, or having multiple affairs with unsafe sex partners.

Even the potential of infecting a loved one with an STD is often not enough to stop addicts from acting out.

In fact, sexual addicts may find ways to act out even more intensely after such sexual practices in order to help drown out the shame and guilt of an overloaded and repressed emotional life.

Despite the frequency and range of their acting-out experiences, sexual addicts are often poorly informed about sexuality in general- An important part of their recovery process is learning about healthy sexual practices: behaviors which are connecting and affirming rather than shaming and guilt inducing.

They may even think they are losing their minds.

There are, however, recognizable behavior patterns which indicate the presence of sexual addiction.

While an actual diagnosis for sexual addiction should be carried out by a mental health professional, the following behavior patterns can indicate the presence of sexual addiction.

As more and more of addicts' energy becomes focused on relationships which have sexual potential, other relationships and activities -- family, friends, work, talents and values -- suffer and atrophy from neglect.

Treatment programs for sexual addiction include patient, outpatient, and aftercare support, and self-help groups.

Contributed by Dr. Tony Fiore